Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Waving at the wagons

I've fallen off the wagon in a big way.

Does anyone even know how that saying came about and why it means what it means?

ANYway... My life has been chaos. And one wants to think that they are consistent and motivated when under duress, but that has not proved to be the case. I only have the intellectual and emotional capacity to do so much. It has turned that I cannot focus on eating well and working out every day and getting enough sleep when my house is a demolition zone and the stress of my job and money issues has put me in the only space I know how to be in ... Auto Pilot.

I flooded my house, dropped my phone in the toilet and lost my diamond ring (found a few days later, thankfully) all in one day. I have the entire contents of my storage closet along with other furniture and doors, sitting in the middle of my living room. I have no bathroom floor or carpet padding in spots throughout the house. It's chaotic and messy and it makes my mind just as chaotic and messy to have my environment be such.

In said auto-pilot, I can't seem to make it to the gym b/c I spend 1-2 hours a day dealing with contractors or carpet people or whatever and the rest of my day I'm slammed at work so I really do have to try to pay attention. I go to the store and all I buy is salad and rice and still all I eat is away from home. I stayed the weekend in a hotel and while I did manage to have 2 home cooked meals while there, it didn't stop me from drinking heavily and having a delectable burger one of the nights.

I don't WANT to beat myself up about it. And I don't want to jump on the scale. I want to get through this and then refocus. I want to get my home in order and have a sense of peace and then maybe my head will be less full to have the rest of it in there. In the mean time, I wave at the wagons that pass me by every day when I make the choice to not eat a salad or not go to the gym.

And trust me, I really am doing the best I can right now. The very best I can.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Weekend full of food

For the fourth of July I spent the weekend at a friend's cabin on a river. There were about 16 people total so needless to say, there was A LOT of food. I have been to these events before and the sheer amount of food and booze is outstanding! So this year I did things a little differently in order to try to stay moderately on track.

I volunteered to make a quinoa salad that I make often and is chock full of vitamins and veggies (granted, and olive oil). This way I had a healthy snack whenever I wanted. I brought baked and sun chips instead of regular chips. I DID bring a package of Oreo cookies which was, with my help, polished off in the first several hours of arriving at the river.

But otherwise, I kept my eating under control mostly. I was never hungry when it was meal time and one breakfast I ate WAY more than I should have and needed to, but it was just so good! I snacked on a couple cupcakes and a few handful of chips, but otherwise, didn't do a ton of mindless grazing, which made me proud.

I think next year, I'll prepare even more and bring more salad goodies. It was amazing how, at the end of the weekend, all I wanted was a salad and there wasn't one to be had. Guess I miss my roughage when I don't get it.

In other news, I definitely feel off the wagon. I have only been getting to the gym 2 days a week instead of my normal 5. The hot hot hot weather and my body being totally swollen from bug bites hasn't provided much motivation, either, but I need to get back on track. I feel bloated and I'm never going to reach my goal by sitting here and waiting for it. I'm on my rear end all day at work. All. Day. I need to make a conscious choice each and every day to move my body on purpose ... to sweat and pant a little bit (or a lot in my case). And to prepare meals even when it's so hot here all I can do is LOOK at the kitchen.

I'm not liking what I see in the mirror these days and every time I drop some pounds and am so happy I'm going in the right direction, I seem to put it right back on again. I need someone to come and just hover over me and count calories FOR me! I need a chef. hahaha!

What are you doing to eat well and work out during the summer heat?