Friday, June 10, 2011

Newer version of oneself

I am about to undergo a short term, calorie restricted (and doctor supervised) diet to help jump start my weight loss which has been sluggish at best the last 9 months. In facing half the summer ahead with no social eating and specific calorie restrictions, I clench my fists, grit my teeth and square my shoulders for the challenges that lay ahead. I am committed and determined. Not that I haven't been before, but it's all too easy to have that glass of wine, or that bite of cheese or to order a sandwich instead of a salad when dining out. If I want to be successful, in the upcoming months, those choices won't be options for me.

And when faced with finally going below where I'm at, which is already smaller than I've been in many years... I have been pondering deeply the outcomes of losing weight other than the weight loss itself. How will I be different? WILL I be different? How will I relate to myself and others? Will my friends and family support me? Especially the ones who are plus sized as well... will they be happy for me if I reach my goals or will they be resentful? When my relationship with food changes, will my relationships with them have to change too? What do you do to socialize with someone if you're not going out for cocktails or coffee or a meal? (This is an easier question to answer in the summer when the weather is nice).

These are all things I am thinking about these days. I want my outer self to reflect who I feel my inner self is. But change is hard. And scary. And all I can do is my very best and... take things one day at a time.