Something in my mind has been changing. I was taught at an early age to give a lot of attention to the number on a scale. On the size of my ass, the size of my belly, the size of my clothing. I have spent my whole life following that lead. I exercise and eat ONLY as a means to an end. Or don't exercise or eat because I say "eff it" and am frustrated and emotionally stuffing that frustration.
About 6-7 weeks ago, I hired one of the most amazing women I know to work with me a couple of times a months on personal training. Her work outs are hard but I build up to them and they feel good. Her positivity and encouragement have rubbed off on me and I work out lately because I WANT to. Because I can see the shape of my thighs change as I do 60 lunges in a work out 2x a week. Because I feel stronger and sexier and leaner. Because she believes in me and she's right... I CAN do it!
I haven't lost a pound or a single inch. And I don't care right now. I'm focusing on maintaining healthy habits. On how I feel in my skin. And things are feeling a bit more homey lately.
I could be eating more consistently better, but nothing is too crazy. I don't feel my best self when I eat carbs or sugar, but my calorie intake isn't off the charts, either, so I'm not worried too much about it. I've had some digestion issues (infection maybe?) as well that has made eating not sound all that awesome, but I'm hanging in there.
As of right now, I have detached from the outcome, something I've been trying to do for SO LONG! And the second I stopped trying so hard and started eating to fuel up (and have some fun now and then, too) instead of focusing on if this bite or that bite will get me to my goal and exercise for the sheer joy of of it.... somehow I find myself way less focused on those numbers (scale/inches/size, etc) and focusing more on just doing it each day. On moving my body on purpose and trying to eat food that makes me feel energized.
I'm sure I'm not "cured", but these things are good steps and it's something I've never really noticed myself doing before (not obsessing so much about food/exercise). Hopefully some weight will come off. Maybe it won't. I'm going to just live each day the best I can and try to continue to let my mind have some brain space for other things other than if I look good in that dress or not.
Make it a great weekend, everyone!! **SMOOCH**