Thursday, March 13, 2014

I have gone through everything in my closet. Everything. I'm keeping everything that fits now and everything that is currently too small. I was all excited about giving things away and then all of a sudden, I choked.

Because I've been here before. I lost a bunch of weight and put it all back on. I am repeatedly reminded by a coworker to "be careful" of gaining all the weight back. Not that I don't think about that enough on my own without the reminder, but that, coupled with the few pound gain this week, has me very emotionally stressed out.

So I made two bags of clothes. One that I will give away when I am ready, and one that I will keep until I've been at goal for at least one year. So I'm not in the same situation I was 3 years ago when I gained the weight back and literally had no clothes. Now... I don't anticipate I will gain the weight back, but.... I'm just too scared.

And that is okay. I can be scared. I SHOULD be scared. Just scared enough to keep me from drinking wine too often, or getting frozen yogurt every night or having buttered popcorn for dinner. Accepting my fear will help me not take myself out to dinner tonight. Accepting that it's okay not to be ready... to face each hurdle as they come and to take my time working through them... will keep me from making poor food choices. Eating to numb my emotions cannot help me. So I am going to let myself be scared. Even if it means holding on to clothes two sizes too big until I feel confident enough that I will never need them again.


  1. Screw that coworker for focusing on the negative.

  2. She meant well. I know she cares for and supports me. I'm just not sure that she realizes how negative it sounds to hear that over and over again. Despite her intention, she says "be careful" and I hear "you'll most likely fail." ... I just want to focus on the positive right now. :-) I did kindly request this when she and I spoke the other day, though. She's a good gal, I promise. :)