In the last two months, I've done my best to incorporate a new and very restricted diet into my life. I've been okay without dairy for the most part, but not having fruit related products or sugars within eight hours of each other has proved complicated to always remember. And the no gluten / wheat thing straight up sucks. But... something is working. I've lost 10 lbs and a few inches although I will admit to a plateau as of now.
But what was amazing, was when I went to see my ND for updated blood work, the extreme differences in how my blood cells looked 2 months ago and how it looks now. I still have a ways to go to be my healthiest self and my liver is still being tricky along with my gall bladder, but things ARE improving, which is WONDERFUL!
My challenge right now is exercise. I'm in week three of no boot camp which has me feeling lazy and depressed. I have a bum shoulder and it's just not feeling better. I have been so busy at work that I haven't had time to work out during the day so I haven't done anything. I HAVE to figure something out. Either go back to boot camp next week and keep things modified or hit the gym. Or both so I'm getting the intensity I've been used to.
Now that my body is processing better, I want to see the results I deserve. It always feels like there is an obstacle. But I will persevere. I have worked way too darn hard not to.
On an interesting note, I was off plan while my boyfriend and I were in Bend this weekend and I noticed that I was sick sick sick from milk, cottage cheese and red wine! I could drink white wine okay and cheese didn't bother me much, but I thought that was interesting. And since we didn't really do many veggies this weekend, I was sooooo tired after every meal. Beer, wine, gluten, cheese.... I was very sleepy. Part of the benefit of being OFF plan every now and then is that I don't like the way it makes me feel so I can't wait to get a huge salad in front of me with veggies and beets and chicken breast and oil and vinegar and a touch of pepper. Yummm!
I continue to monitor the changes my body is going through, inside and out, and I just have to get the momentum to jump back into bootcamp and try to take it easy on my injured shoulder.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
La Resistance no longer!
My body has been resisting me inexplicably for months. I have nurtured it through regular exercise, whole and healthy foods and rests as needed. I have given it all I could provide and still it held firm behind enemy lines, menacingly preventing me from getting closer to my goals. "Viva La Resistance" it said!
And now, I have found the secret and it's begun it's retreat. Or, should I say, it's not being markedly stubborn, but rather working WITH me toward my goals versus against me.
I've been in a state of chronic frustration for months at how hard I'd been working at dropping weight and not seeing the results I expected. Is it reasonable to expect a 2 pound loss every week? No... but expecting more than 2 pounds a month is not out of the realm of possibility. When that wasn't happening for months on end, I finally went to a new ND I met at a lecture on cleansing. As I posted in my last blog, I learned SO much about my body and how it processed certain things! I was very sad to see dairy go away, along with foods you commonly take for granted, such as ketchup, wine, beer, pasta sauce, etc. (because of the fruit/sugar combo). The ND insisted I would feel so good I wouldn't really miss it. And she's right.
Here is what I've been experiencing since starting my new eating regime. I have constant energy throughout the day. No dips in the afternoon. No dips after meals. When it's time to go to bed, I am tired and sleep well. I feel alert and my mood feels very stabilized. When I have eaten dairy or fruit/sugar, I can feel the difference. I'm sluggish, tired and in the case of eating none of those, but probably having some MSG yesterday, I was literally quite ill... instant headache, nauseous and dizzy. It NEVER ceases to boggle my mind what your body will tell you when you're listening.
I am in a size pant I haven't work in probably 9 years. I've lost 9 pounds in the last month and am the lowest I've been on the scale now (finally) in probably 4 years (and even then, I just touched on this number and then returned to about 5 pounds heavier where I stayed for a long time). I feel amazing and I'm FINALLY seeing results which keeps me motivated. I've stopped counting calories or points and am just eating lean proteins, whole grains (no wheat or gluten either) and fresh fruit and veggies. I've discovered coconut milk ice cream which is well worth the extra expense it costs to get a product with only a handful of ingredients. I'm thrilled and can't wait to see how things continue to progress.
I am still maneuvering around eating out, socializing with food and certain genres of food (how do you eat Italian or Mexican if you don't eat cheese or flour?) but I'm making adjustments as I go.
It's true what they say... Nothing tastes as good as Thin feels. :)
And now, I have found the secret and it's begun it's retreat. Or, should I say, it's not being markedly stubborn, but rather working WITH me toward my goals versus against me.
I've been in a state of chronic frustration for months at how hard I'd been working at dropping weight and not seeing the results I expected. Is it reasonable to expect a 2 pound loss every week? No... but expecting more than 2 pounds a month is not out of the realm of possibility. When that wasn't happening for months on end, I finally went to a new ND I met at a lecture on cleansing. As I posted in my last blog, I learned SO much about my body and how it processed certain things! I was very sad to see dairy go away, along with foods you commonly take for granted, such as ketchup, wine, beer, pasta sauce, etc. (because of the fruit/sugar combo). The ND insisted I would feel so good I wouldn't really miss it. And she's right.
Here is what I've been experiencing since starting my new eating regime. I have constant energy throughout the day. No dips in the afternoon. No dips after meals. When it's time to go to bed, I am tired and sleep well. I feel alert and my mood feels very stabilized. When I have eaten dairy or fruit/sugar, I can feel the difference. I'm sluggish, tired and in the case of eating none of those, but probably having some MSG yesterday, I was literally quite ill... instant headache, nauseous and dizzy. It NEVER ceases to boggle my mind what your body will tell you when you're listening.
I am in a size pant I haven't work in probably 9 years. I've lost 9 pounds in the last month and am the lowest I've been on the scale now (finally) in probably 4 years (and even then, I just touched on this number and then returned to about 5 pounds heavier where I stayed for a long time). I feel amazing and I'm FINALLY seeing results which keeps me motivated. I've stopped counting calories or points and am just eating lean proteins, whole grains (no wheat or gluten either) and fresh fruit and veggies. I've discovered coconut milk ice cream which is well worth the extra expense it costs to get a product with only a handful of ingredients. I'm thrilled and can't wait to see how things continue to progress.
I am still maneuvering around eating out, socializing with food and certain genres of food (how do you eat Italian or Mexican if you don't eat cheese or flour?) but I'm making adjustments as I go.
It's true what they say... Nothing tastes as good as Thin feels. :)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Signs of true change
Sometimes you don't really know how much you've changed until you revert back to an old habit and feel how much that habit no longer fits.
While I know 12 pounds in 4 months is still great progress, I feel like it should be more. With how hard I work out... with how clean and well I eat... that I really should have dropped weight more consistently and should have seen some more noticeable results. I'm working with a new naturopath to work on some issues that have come to light that are very likely preventing the success I expect. My body is not breaking down fat very well as though I were someone without a gall bladder; my liver is holding on to toxins making it difficult to lose weight, and while I'm on thyroid medication, it's not managed well enough and having that be an issue is like running in slow motion up a mountain. Big obstacles.
But this week I was feeling like giving up. I wanted to throw my hands up in the hair and say "F it!" It's more expensive and time consuming to eat healthy; I'm clearly not seeing results so what does it matter? So I consulted Burgerville and Haagen Daaz.
And 45 minutes later, when I was wondering why I was so damn sleepy in the middle of the day, I had to laugh at myself. I don't want to feel like that anymore. I allow myself my "off plan" meals but I haven't eaten like THAT in a long time. I would have enjoyed leftover taco salad more than the burger and would have felt better. And in that moment I gave into the process. I realized it's not worth going back to old habits. I've been so much improved in so many aspects of my food issues such as portion control, emotional eating and giving into cravings. Not only is it totally counter productive to go backward, but I feel like crap when I do.
I have to keep telling myself. even if I don't drop another pound *as hard as it is to accept that possibility* I feel GOOD when I eat clean and work out regularly. I feel BAD when I don't. It's the difference between a well oiled and fueled machine and a clunker. I've been a clunker so long that I fully appreciate what it's like to be running clean.
So even though I'm struggling... I can't give up. I just don't think I have it in me anymore to throw in the towel so easily. People count on me to continue my journey. I count on me to continue the journey. And isn't it about the journey, not the destination? *wink*
While I know 12 pounds in 4 months is still great progress, I feel like it should be more. With how hard I work out... with how clean and well I eat... that I really should have dropped weight more consistently and should have seen some more noticeable results. I'm working with a new naturopath to work on some issues that have come to light that are very likely preventing the success I expect. My body is not breaking down fat very well as though I were someone without a gall bladder; my liver is holding on to toxins making it difficult to lose weight, and while I'm on thyroid medication, it's not managed well enough and having that be an issue is like running in slow motion up a mountain. Big obstacles.
But this week I was feeling like giving up. I wanted to throw my hands up in the hair and say "F it!" It's more expensive and time consuming to eat healthy; I'm clearly not seeing results so what does it matter? So I consulted Burgerville and Haagen Daaz.
And 45 minutes later, when I was wondering why I was so damn sleepy in the middle of the day, I had to laugh at myself. I don't want to feel like that anymore. I allow myself my "off plan" meals but I haven't eaten like THAT in a long time. I would have enjoyed leftover taco salad more than the burger and would have felt better. And in that moment I gave into the process. I realized it's not worth going back to old habits. I've been so much improved in so many aspects of my food issues such as portion control, emotional eating and giving into cravings. Not only is it totally counter productive to go backward, but I feel like crap when I do.
I have to keep telling myself. even if I don't drop another pound *as hard as it is to accept that possibility* I feel GOOD when I eat clean and work out regularly. I feel BAD when I don't. It's the difference between a well oiled and fueled machine and a clunker. I've been a clunker so long that I fully appreciate what it's like to be running clean.
So even though I'm struggling... I can't give up. I just don't think I have it in me anymore to throw in the towel so easily. People count on me to continue my journey. I count on me to continue the journey. And isn't it about the journey, not the destination? *wink*
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Salad
I eat salad constantly. I love it! I love trying or inventing new dressings, finding new fun veggies to add to create a delightful spend of flavors and crunch.
I have fallen madly in love with beets after having several roasted beet salads in restaurants around town. So I found a great way to roast beets so I can eat them whenever I want!
I took two medium sized beets, cut off any stem parts and scrubbed the dirt off. I put on a piece of foil and drizzled with olive oil, then wrapped the foil around it. I then baked the beets in the oven at 425 degrees for about an hour and a half. You want to roast them until they are tender with a fork and time depends on size. I'd say start checking at about the 40 minute mark. If you have enough leftover, you can use the beet infused olive oil for making a dressing. Once the beets are cool enough to handle, use a knife or just your fingers to peel away the outer skin. I then cut them into slices and stored in a Tupperware container.
Generally my salads consist of a combination of two types of greens, generally green or romaine with spinach. I've also been adding some kale in there for an added nutritional boost. I top with tomato, zucchini, squash, a radish or two and a tablespoon of plain sunflower seeds from the bulk section of the supermarket. This week, though, I've substituted the tomato for the beets and the seeds for a sprinkling of feta cheese. I generally put in some leftover protein such as salmon, chicken breast or, this week, steak tenderloin.
Also this week I tried making a salad dressing from scratch. Normally I use a low fat hidden valley ranch, a yogurt blue cheese, OR just some olive oil and vinegar. For this, though, I got out the magic bullet. I blended about a tablespoon each of Dijon mustard, olive oil, pre-minced garlic, and 1-2 tablespoons of white wine vinegar. Add a dash of salt and pepper and blend away to creamy tangy goodness.
So there you have it. A majestic salad combination if I don't say so myself. I hope you find time to make one for yourself - it's so delicious and it doesn't hurt that it does a body good! :)
I have fallen madly in love with beets after having several roasted beet salads in restaurants around town. So I found a great way to roast beets so I can eat them whenever I want!
I took two medium sized beets, cut off any stem parts and scrubbed the dirt off. I put on a piece of foil and drizzled with olive oil, then wrapped the foil around it. I then baked the beets in the oven at 425 degrees for about an hour and a half. You want to roast them until they are tender with a fork and time depends on size. I'd say start checking at about the 40 minute mark. If you have enough leftover, you can use the beet infused olive oil for making a dressing. Once the beets are cool enough to handle, use a knife or just your fingers to peel away the outer skin. I then cut them into slices and stored in a Tupperware container.
Generally my salads consist of a combination of two types of greens, generally green or romaine with spinach. I've also been adding some kale in there for an added nutritional boost. I top with tomato, zucchini, squash, a radish or two and a tablespoon of plain sunflower seeds from the bulk section of the supermarket. This week, though, I've substituted the tomato for the beets and the seeds for a sprinkling of feta cheese. I generally put in some leftover protein such as salmon, chicken breast or, this week, steak tenderloin.
Also this week I tried making a salad dressing from scratch. Normally I use a low fat hidden valley ranch, a yogurt blue cheese, OR just some olive oil and vinegar. For this, though, I got out the magic bullet. I blended about a tablespoon each of Dijon mustard, olive oil, pre-minced garlic, and 1-2 tablespoons of white wine vinegar. Add a dash of salt and pepper and blend away to creamy tangy goodness.
So there you have it. A majestic salad combination if I don't say so myself. I hope you find time to make one for yourself - it's so delicious and it doesn't hurt that it does a body good! :)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Resolutions
It's that time again for rehashing 2010's resolution list and going over 2011's resolutions. The funny thing is... this year's resolutions are pretty much identical to last year's because I liked them all much!
So... for 2010, my resolutions and their outcomes are as follows:
1. Lost 35 pounds. I actually had a contest with a friend of mine regarding this and that was kaput pretty early on, but I still worked out it. I did not make my final goal, but I did lose about 17-19 pounds this year. Which is better than nothing so I'm pleased.
2. Go to the gym 3 days a week, weight training 2 days a week and yoga or meditation 1 day a week. Well, I was sporadic with this. I was hot and heavy in the new year, then took a break, then went back and worked with a trainer and did classes at the gym. And then I found Emily Johnson's Fit Body Bootcamp and now I work out 3-4 days a week with her AND do other things like Hula hooping, belly dancing and roller skating.
3. Learn to knit socks and gloves. I learned to knit socks, but only made one b/c it turned out so large I turned it into a stocking instead. oops.
4. CODA meetings at least twice a month and do the steps again. I didn't even come close to doing this.
5. Go on at least FIVE hikes. My hikes included Oaks Bottom on 2/6, Mt. Tabor Hill walk on 2/18, Powell Butte on 2/28, Oak Island on 3/6, Bagby Hot Springs 5/16, Nob Hill city walk on 8/10. That's six! YAY!
6. Plan 1 3+ night vacation. I spent 3 nights in Beaver, OR for Jenna's birthday over the 4th of July. I also spent the last 2 nights of 2010 and the first 5 nights of 2011 in MAUI! So I'm counting that!
My resolutions are mostly the same for 2011:
1. Lost 35 pounds. This WILL be the year. I can already feel it!
2. CONSISTENTLY do 4+ days of activity a week barring injury or illness
3. One day of yoga per week (already have a yoga membership through November!)
4. Make 1 pair of actual socks and 1 pair of gloves
5. Plan another 3+ night vacation.
6. Go on another FIVE+ hikes this year.
I feel well prepared for 1-3 and the rest will have to just be on my radar for opportunities and timing. Now that I’m back home from Maui and back in the swing of things, I started a 14 day fat flush through my boot camp (http://www.portlandfitbodybootcamp.com/) so both my diet AND my fitness routine are off to a great start. I bought a year membership at a yoga and wellness studio for dirt cheap so will be taking a Hatha and Yin yoga class at least once a week. I’m excited and most importantly… I’m READY!
So... for 2010, my resolutions and their outcomes are as follows:
1. Lost 35 pounds. I actually had a contest with a friend of mine regarding this and that was kaput pretty early on, but I still worked out it. I did not make my final goal, but I did lose about 17-19 pounds this year. Which is better than nothing so I'm pleased.
2. Go to the gym 3 days a week, weight training 2 days a week and yoga or meditation 1 day a week. Well, I was sporadic with this. I was hot and heavy in the new year, then took a break, then went back and worked with a trainer and did classes at the gym. And then I found Emily Johnson's Fit Body Bootcamp and now I work out 3-4 days a week with her AND do other things like Hula hooping, belly dancing and roller skating.
3. Learn to knit socks and gloves. I learned to knit socks, but only made one b/c it turned out so large I turned it into a stocking instead. oops.
4. CODA meetings at least twice a month and do the steps again. I didn't even come close to doing this.
5. Go on at least FIVE hikes. My hikes included Oaks Bottom on 2/6, Mt. Tabor Hill walk on 2/18, Powell Butte on 2/28, Oak Island on 3/6, Bagby Hot Springs 5/16, Nob Hill city walk on 8/10. That's six! YAY!
6. Plan 1 3+ night vacation. I spent 3 nights in Beaver, OR for Jenna's birthday over the 4th of July. I also spent the last 2 nights of 2010 and the first 5 nights of 2011 in MAUI! So I'm counting that!
My resolutions are mostly the same for 2011:
1. Lost 35 pounds. This WILL be the year. I can already feel it!
2. CONSISTENTLY do 4+ days of activity a week barring injury or illness
3. One day of yoga per week (already have a yoga membership through November!)
4. Make 1 pair of actual socks and 1 pair of gloves
5. Plan another 3+ night vacation.
6. Go on another FIVE+ hikes this year.
I feel well prepared for 1-3 and the rest will have to just be on my radar for opportunities and timing. Now that I’m back home from Maui and back in the swing of things, I started a 14 day fat flush through my boot camp (http://www.portlandfitbodybootcamp.com/) so both my diet AND my fitness routine are off to a great start. I bought a year membership at a yoga and wellness studio for dirt cheap so will be taking a Hatha and Yin yoga class at least once a week. I’m excited and most importantly… I’m READY!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Battling the holiday bulge
I somehow managed to lose a couple of pounds despite Thanksgiving, but now I'm smack in the middle of the holiday party season. I do pretty well at home, but have a harder time eating out and even a harder time than that when I'm at parties and there are platters of food. I go into my abundance mode and want to have lots of everything.
This year I'm going to do my very best to prepare myself in advance, ask the hostess what kinds of foods will be there (if applicable), and try to make a plate of food instead of hovering over dips and snacks and mindlessly shoveling food into my mouth. I'm also NOT going to drink. Seriously. It is added calories I don't need and makes me much more apt to eat more when I'm not actually hungry. I prefer to monitor my drinking at home with a meal than losing track in a vulnerable situation.
If I don't lose weight this Christmas, that is okay. But I'd like to maintain. To continue to go to boot camp 3-4 days a week in addition to yoga and hula hooping classes. I will likely relax the diet a bit while I'm in Maui for the New Year and I don't want to feel already behind my weight loss when it's time to go.
So the keys, for me, are to prepare, prepare, prepare and watch portion control by making a plate of food instead of eating/hovering over the food area.
What are you planning on doing this holiday season to keep yourself in check?
This year I'm going to do my very best to prepare myself in advance, ask the hostess what kinds of foods will be there (if applicable), and try to make a plate of food instead of hovering over dips and snacks and mindlessly shoveling food into my mouth. I'm also NOT going to drink. Seriously. It is added calories I don't need and makes me much more apt to eat more when I'm not actually hungry. I prefer to monitor my drinking at home with a meal than losing track in a vulnerable situation.
If I don't lose weight this Christmas, that is okay. But I'd like to maintain. To continue to go to boot camp 3-4 days a week in addition to yoga and hula hooping classes. I will likely relax the diet a bit while I'm in Maui for the New Year and I don't want to feel already behind my weight loss when it's time to go.
So the keys, for me, are to prepare, prepare, prepare and watch portion control by making a plate of food instead of eating/hovering over the food area.
What are you planning on doing this holiday season to keep yourself in check?
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thanksgiving, the wagon, and stir fry
I have recovered from Thanksgiving. I spent 4 days off plan eating turkey and ham and leftovers of both and cream pie. I DID watch portion control until a bit of wine overload on Saturday night. But I made the decision to enjoy my holiday and holiday weekend and I did.
But today is a new day and I did it up right. I am back on plan and back in boot camp after my foot kept me out most of last week. My boot camp trainer also motivated me to try a new veggie medley based on something she had made and I wanted to share it with you b/c it turned out WONDERFUL!
Ingredients:
1T olive oil (ish)
1/2 onion, chopped
tons of fresh garlic, minced or chopped
1/2 head of rad cabbage (or green, if you prefer), diced into strips
1/2 bunch of kale, chopped into large pieces
1/2 bunch of red chard, chopped into large pieces
one small head of broccoli, cut into pieces
1 yellow squash, chopped
1 gray squash, chopped (or regular zucchini)
1/2 bunch spinach
1/2 bunch Italian parsley
Seasonings to taste
Apple cider vinegar to taste
1. heat oil in a large skillet or wok on medium heat. Add onion and garlic and saute until soft.
2. Add broccoli and stir fry, 2 minutes. Add seasonings to taste: I used salt, pepper, oregano, Italian Seasoning, garlic powder, onion powder and Mrs Dash.
3. Add squash, kale, cabbage and chard. Stir fry, covered, about 4 minutes, until leaves reduce.
4. Add spinach and parsley, cook a few minutes until spinach reduces down, another 1-2 minutes, stirring regularly.
5. remove from heat. Add apple cider vinegar to taste in individual servings.
If I could post a picture of my deliciousness, I would. It is on my facebook. It was such a wonderful experience as I had never had kale, chard or gray squash before. I LOVE trying new dishes! I paired this with a weight watchers recipe, Turkey Shepard's pie with mashed sweet potatoes, which was seriously amazing. Love good food and feeding my body all sorts of power food goodness!
On the activity note, this week includes zumba, yin yoga and hoola hooping on top for my normal 4 day a week boot camp work out. Can't wait! Just hope my foot holds up. :)
But today is a new day and I did it up right. I am back on plan and back in boot camp after my foot kept me out most of last week. My boot camp trainer also motivated me to try a new veggie medley based on something she had made and I wanted to share it with you b/c it turned out WONDERFUL!
Ingredients:
1T olive oil (ish)
1/2 onion, chopped
tons of fresh garlic, minced or chopped
1/2 head of rad cabbage (or green, if you prefer), diced into strips
1/2 bunch of kale, chopped into large pieces
1/2 bunch of red chard, chopped into large pieces
one small head of broccoli, cut into pieces
1 yellow squash, chopped
1 gray squash, chopped (or regular zucchini)
1/2 bunch spinach
1/2 bunch Italian parsley
Seasonings to taste
Apple cider vinegar to taste
1. heat oil in a large skillet or wok on medium heat. Add onion and garlic and saute until soft.
2. Add broccoli and stir fry, 2 minutes. Add seasonings to taste: I used salt, pepper, oregano, Italian Seasoning, garlic powder, onion powder and Mrs Dash.
3. Add squash, kale, cabbage and chard. Stir fry, covered, about 4 minutes, until leaves reduce.
4. Add spinach and parsley, cook a few minutes until spinach reduces down, another 1-2 minutes, stirring regularly.
5. remove from heat. Add apple cider vinegar to taste in individual servings.
If I could post a picture of my deliciousness, I would. It is on my facebook. It was such a wonderful experience as I had never had kale, chard or gray squash before. I LOVE trying new dishes! I paired this with a weight watchers recipe, Turkey Shepard's pie with mashed sweet potatoes, which was seriously amazing. Love good food and feeding my body all sorts of power food goodness!
On the activity note, this week includes zumba, yin yoga and hoola hooping on top for my normal 4 day a week boot camp work out. Can't wait! Just hope my foot holds up. :)
Monday, November 15, 2010
Lessons from the sleep deprived
I have been learning a lot lately. Some of it is new stuff... some of it is stuff I have learned before but am trying to learn again. I'm really focused on my food and exercise plan right now. But I will tell you a lesson I learned this weekend... all of that focus is easy to toss aside when I'm tired or stressed.
"yeah yeah yeah... common sense" you may say to me. Well, perhaps, in theory, but the thing with me is that I don't often feel stress IN the moment. It's kind of cumulative and I feel it more after a stressful situation has subsided or rather, in hindsight, I realize that stress manifested itself other than in an emotion titled "stress" such as unplanned eating, over eating, etc. etc.
On Thursday, I had an unusually stressful evening in the calm and happiness that is mostly my world and I didn't sleep more than a few hours. Which means I skipped boot camp in exchange for a couple more hours of poor sleep. I had friends over on Friday and although I did PRETTY well on my food choices, I had an apple turnover and about 6 glasses of wine I hadn't planned on and didn't need.
So I go into Saturday still tired and now hungover. I sleep as late as I can but never feel fully myself. I spend the day on the couch until I finally do an hour of working out at home. That night I have a birthday party, dinner with friends, drinks with more friends and a midnight showing of HUMP at Cinema 21. I had food planned out for the night ... but I neglected to consider I'd be hungry when I got to the birthday party, where I planned on eating only veggies. Of which there were none. But what was there instead was Hawaiian food. One of my favorites. Rice. Macaroni salad. Chicken. I eat an entire meal. Plus a small spoonful of seconds. And a ginger-ale. That was not planned. Or necessary. As I learned recently, hunger won't kill me and I very well could have waited until dinner to split my planned hamburger with Special K.
But instead, I started to feel guilty and disappointed in myself. Without much thought other than those two emotions, I had 4 unplanned chicken wings, a handful of bites of the most rich clam chowder I've ever eaten AND the half of burger. And what's worse is that the burger was awful and I was completely unsatisfied. AND I was full before the burger even came and yet I continued to eat it. I ignored my plans and all my body signals. What the hell?
Oh. and I forgot to mention the cup or so of buttered popcorn I had at the movie. Also not planned.
Sunday I ate within my points, but as I reflect today I can clearly see what led up to this. As much as I think it is "unfair" that I'm not a "normal" person, the truth is, I'm not a normal person. And until this becomes easier (b/c it's SO not easy), I have to plan my meals, both at home and away from home and I need to follow the plan. There isn't a whole lot of room for spontaneous eating right now because, as one can see, it leads to more. and more. and then I feel badly, both emotionally and physically. I feel like I'm sabotaging my progress toward the goals I have. And it's not been worth it. I deserve to treat myself better than this despite how much work I have to put in to paying attention to these things.
So the lesson here? Get enough rest. Allow myself to feel stressed out or ask myself, in situations that are clearly stressful, if I'm participating in emotional eating. Oh. I reiterate the get enough rest. At all costs. It's hugely important. And... get back on the horse, even if I'm tempted to just let the damn thing keep dragging me through the mud. One meal, one night, one day... doesn't mean another minute needs to go by before I get back on plan.
"yeah yeah yeah... common sense" you may say to me. Well, perhaps, in theory, but the thing with me is that I don't often feel stress IN the moment. It's kind of cumulative and I feel it more after a stressful situation has subsided or rather, in hindsight, I realize that stress manifested itself other than in an emotion titled "stress" such as unplanned eating, over eating, etc. etc.
On Thursday, I had an unusually stressful evening in the calm and happiness that is mostly my world and I didn't sleep more than a few hours. Which means I skipped boot camp in exchange for a couple more hours of poor sleep. I had friends over on Friday and although I did PRETTY well on my food choices, I had an apple turnover and about 6 glasses of wine I hadn't planned on and didn't need.
So I go into Saturday still tired and now hungover. I sleep as late as I can but never feel fully myself. I spend the day on the couch until I finally do an hour of working out at home. That night I have a birthday party, dinner with friends, drinks with more friends and a midnight showing of HUMP at Cinema 21. I had food planned out for the night ... but I neglected to consider I'd be hungry when I got to the birthday party, where I planned on eating only veggies. Of which there were none. But what was there instead was Hawaiian food. One of my favorites. Rice. Macaroni salad. Chicken. I eat an entire meal. Plus a small spoonful of seconds. And a ginger-ale. That was not planned. Or necessary. As I learned recently, hunger won't kill me and I very well could have waited until dinner to split my planned hamburger with Special K.
But instead, I started to feel guilty and disappointed in myself. Without much thought other than those two emotions, I had 4 unplanned chicken wings, a handful of bites of the most rich clam chowder I've ever eaten AND the half of burger. And what's worse is that the burger was awful and I was completely unsatisfied. AND I was full before the burger even came and yet I continued to eat it. I ignored my plans and all my body signals. What the hell?
Oh. and I forgot to mention the cup or so of buttered popcorn I had at the movie. Also not planned.
Sunday I ate within my points, but as I reflect today I can clearly see what led up to this. As much as I think it is "unfair" that I'm not a "normal" person, the truth is, I'm not a normal person. And until this becomes easier (b/c it's SO not easy), I have to plan my meals, both at home and away from home and I need to follow the plan. There isn't a whole lot of room for spontaneous eating right now because, as one can see, it leads to more. and more. and then I feel badly, both emotionally and physically. I feel like I'm sabotaging my progress toward the goals I have. And it's not been worth it. I deserve to treat myself better than this despite how much work I have to put in to paying attention to these things.
So the lesson here? Get enough rest. Allow myself to feel stressed out or ask myself, in situations that are clearly stressful, if I'm participating in emotional eating. Oh. I reiterate the get enough rest. At all costs. It's hugely important. And... get back on the horse, even if I'm tempted to just let the damn thing keep dragging me through the mud. One meal, one night, one day... doesn't mean another minute needs to go by before I get back on plan.
Monday, November 8, 2010
This, that and the other
I am FINALLY feeling like I'm in the swing of my weight watchers plan. I have been cooking up a storm, I'm finally feeling less hungry, I'm back in boot camp so I'm feeling awesome most of the time anyway, etc. etc. I've been really good about tracking my food and making better choices. It's a long road to lifestyle changes and Lord knows I've been here before. But just like my friend once said "every relationship fails until one doesn't"... I suspect the same can be said about many things such as this. "every diet fails until one doesn't."
I ate a lot of cheese the last two weekends. I do so well during the week and then I spend time with Special K and we just love to munch! I have been better about not feeling like I have to eat every time he eats, but his love of cheese makes me want to indulge in MY love of cheese. Luckily, while I used every last spare point I had for WW this weekend, I only used a few activity points and didn't go in the red. Which is a huge success for me. I know this may sound like alien language, but I'm speaking in WW (weight watcher) terms which it seems most people know.
I haven't really noticed that I've lost weight or my clothes fit differently and it's gotten me a little down, but I realized two things today. 1. I feel AMAZING! I feel happy and confident and like the best of myself. And 2. I worked out and drank a ton of water and ate RELATIVELY well before now. So when I compare myself to people who are getting more noticeable results than me, I try to remember that being whole foods and exercise oriented was already part of my lifestyle so it may take longer for my body to adjust to the smaller portions and overall better nutrition than it might for someone else who didn't drink a lot of water or who didn't exercise or whatever differently than I. It's really unfair to me to compare myself to anyone. I have my own challenges and my body will do what it will as long as I continue to love it the best I can by moving and eating in a purposeful and intentional way. Which I intend to do.
Have a wonderful week, everyone!
I ate a lot of cheese the last two weekends. I do so well during the week and then I spend time with Special K and we just love to munch! I have been better about not feeling like I have to eat every time he eats, but his love of cheese makes me want to indulge in MY love of cheese. Luckily, while I used every last spare point I had for WW this weekend, I only used a few activity points and didn't go in the red. Which is a huge success for me. I know this may sound like alien language, but I'm speaking in WW (weight watcher) terms which it seems most people know.
I haven't really noticed that I've lost weight or my clothes fit differently and it's gotten me a little down, but I realized two things today. 1. I feel AMAZING! I feel happy and confident and like the best of myself. And 2. I worked out and drank a ton of water and ate RELATIVELY well before now. So when I compare myself to people who are getting more noticeable results than me, I try to remember that being whole foods and exercise oriented was already part of my lifestyle so it may take longer for my body to adjust to the smaller portions and overall better nutrition than it might for someone else who didn't drink a lot of water or who didn't exercise or whatever differently than I. It's really unfair to me to compare myself to anyone. I have my own challenges and my body will do what it will as long as I continue to love it the best I can by moving and eating in a purposeful and intentional way. Which I intend to do.
Have a wonderful week, everyone!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Hunger
I'm hungry.
No really. I am. Like, gnawing on my arm, hungry.
Ok, no, I'm ok, really. But interesting thing.... I'm reading this book called The Beck Diet Solution... it has daily exercises to "think like a thin person" I committed to following it the best I can. Today was the first day that was really hard... dealing with tolerating hunger. The exercise was to skip lunch and not eat again until dinner and to rate my level of hunger, but most importantly, psychological discomfort. The exercise is not meant to deprive me, but rather for me to conquer my "fear" of hunger by facing it head on. Like Beck says, hunger is not an emergency. It can be tolerated (pending one doesn't have a medical condition necessitating regular meals).
And I've learned today, that this is indeed, true. However, one major flaw of the book is that it doesn't tell you what to do when you are feeling that distress and discomfort. Feelings of hunger do wax and wane whether you feed the hunger or not. Which I can handle. But the emotion behind it is tricky. When one is feeling an emotion as an outcome of feeling very hungry, then what? Yes... then what?
Good news is, I did skip my meal and it's been 7 hours since I've eaten and I'm proud of myself for controlling the urge to eat when I committed to not eating lunch just for today. I wasn't as emotionally distressed as I thought I would be, but I was also working and distracted. If I'd done this on a Saturday, I'd probably have all sorts of shit coming up and would break under the self-induced pressure of it all.
The truth is, us fat folks don't like feeling hungry. It bothers us. I get so proud of myself when I "eat when I'm hungry" but neglect to notice that I don't always HAVE to eat when I'm hungry if I happen to be hungry all day long for some reason (and those days too happen). I won't die if I have to wait an hour to eat for some reason. Nothing bad will happen to me. The worst thing, to me, is that I have the propensity to then over-eat at my next meal, but perhaps that is more psychological than I give it credit to be. I have a potluck I'm attending tonight and I think I'll be perfectly capable of eating the portions I've pre-planned to have and still feel full and satisfied. I won't need to shovel the entire dish of enchiladas in my mouth to somehow make up for not having had lunch. I'll just be VERY aware that my eyes are bigger than my stomach and start small. If I'm still hungry after my meal, then I can cross that bridge when I get to it.
Very challenging exercise today, this hunger thing. But amazingly enough, I didn't die or wither away or ... gnaw off my own arm. All good things to know. :)
No really. I am. Like, gnawing on my arm, hungry.
Ok, no, I'm ok, really. But interesting thing.... I'm reading this book called The Beck Diet Solution... it has daily exercises to "think like a thin person" I committed to following it the best I can. Today was the first day that was really hard... dealing with tolerating hunger. The exercise was to skip lunch and not eat again until dinner and to rate my level of hunger, but most importantly, psychological discomfort. The exercise is not meant to deprive me, but rather for me to conquer my "fear" of hunger by facing it head on. Like Beck says, hunger is not an emergency. It can be tolerated (pending one doesn't have a medical condition necessitating regular meals).
And I've learned today, that this is indeed, true. However, one major flaw of the book is that it doesn't tell you what to do when you are feeling that distress and discomfort. Feelings of hunger do wax and wane whether you feed the hunger or not. Which I can handle. But the emotion behind it is tricky. When one is feeling an emotion as an outcome of feeling very hungry, then what? Yes... then what?
Good news is, I did skip my meal and it's been 7 hours since I've eaten and I'm proud of myself for controlling the urge to eat when I committed to not eating lunch just for today. I wasn't as emotionally distressed as I thought I would be, but I was also working and distracted. If I'd done this on a Saturday, I'd probably have all sorts of shit coming up and would break under the self-induced pressure of it all.
The truth is, us fat folks don't like feeling hungry. It bothers us. I get so proud of myself when I "eat when I'm hungry" but neglect to notice that I don't always HAVE to eat when I'm hungry if I happen to be hungry all day long for some reason (and those days too happen). I won't die if I have to wait an hour to eat for some reason. Nothing bad will happen to me. The worst thing, to me, is that I have the propensity to then over-eat at my next meal, but perhaps that is more psychological than I give it credit to be. I have a potluck I'm attending tonight and I think I'll be perfectly capable of eating the portions I've pre-planned to have and still feel full and satisfied. I won't need to shovel the entire dish of enchiladas in my mouth to somehow make up for not having had lunch. I'll just be VERY aware that my eyes are bigger than my stomach and start small. If I'm still hungry after my meal, then I can cross that bridge when I get to it.
Very challenging exercise today, this hunger thing. But amazingly enough, I didn't die or wither away or ... gnaw off my own arm. All good things to know. :)
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