Hunger

I'm hungry.

No really. I am. Like, gnawing on my arm, hungry.

Ok, no, I'm ok, really. But interesting thing.... I'm reading this book called The Beck Diet Solution... it has daily exercises to "think like a thin person" I committed to following it the best I can. Today was the first day that was really hard... dealing with tolerating hunger. The exercise was to skip lunch and not eat again until dinner and to rate my level of hunger, but most importantly, psychological discomfort. The exercise is not meant to deprive me, but rather for me to conquer my "fear" of hunger by facing it head on. Like Beck says, hunger is not an emergency. It can be tolerated (pending one doesn't have a medical condition necessitating regular meals).

And I've learned today, that this is indeed, true. However, one major flaw of the book is that it doesn't tell you what to do when you are feeling that distress and discomfort. Feelings of hunger do wax and wane whether you feed the hunger or not. Which I can handle. But the emotion behind it is tricky. When one is feeling an emotion as an outcome of feeling very hungry, then what? Yes... then what?

Good news is, I did skip my meal and it's been 7 hours since I've eaten and I'm proud of myself for controlling the urge to eat when I committed to not eating lunch just for today. I wasn't as emotionally distressed as I thought I would be, but I was also working and distracted. If I'd done this on a Saturday, I'd probably have all sorts of shit coming up and would break under the self-induced pressure of it all.

The truth is, us fat folks don't like feeling hungry. It bothers us. I get so proud of myself when I "eat when I'm hungry" but neglect to notice that I don't always HAVE to eat when I'm hungry if I happen to be hungry all day long for some reason (and those days too happen). I won't die if I have to wait an hour to eat for some reason. Nothing bad will happen to me. The worst thing, to me, is that I have the propensity to then over-eat at my next meal, but perhaps that is more psychological than I give it credit to be. I have a potluck I'm attending tonight and I think I'll be perfectly capable of eating the portions I've pre-planned to have and still feel full and satisfied. I won't need to shovel the entire dish of enchiladas in my mouth to somehow make up for not having had lunch. I'll just be VERY aware that my eyes are bigger than my stomach and start small. If I'm still hungry after my meal, then I can cross that bridge when I get to it.

Very challenging exercise today, this hunger thing. But amazingly enough, I didn't die or wither away or ... gnaw off my own arm. All good things to know. :)